Marriage and Us
Are you recently engaged, newlyweds, or married for years and looking to learn even more about the art of marriage? Hosts Rob and Robin Atkins discuss what they've learned with honesty, humor, and gospel mindedness. In 34 years of marriage and 10 years as pre and post marriage coaches they practice what they teach. A podcast designed for couples with old tools or no tools wanting to maximize their life together with simple principles that can transform your marriage.
Marriage and Us
S4E02 Married and Mics: The Wives' Perspective
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Join Robin and her friend Joanna as they share their wisdom from decades of marriage. They explore the art of communication, the power of connection, and practical tips to nurture and strengthen marital bonds over time.
Key Topics Discussed:
1. Evolving Communication Styles: Discover how communication changes through various life stages and what effective methods can be employed to maintain clarity and understanding.
2. Emotional Connection Essentials: Explore the importance of emotional intimacy, including simple gestures that foster a deeper bond.
3. Building a Team: Discuss how to approach marriage as a partnership, creating shared goals and mutual respect.
4. Celebrating Milestones: The significance of recognizing and celebrating achievements, both big and small, in sustaining a joyful relationship.
Music by - Roger Jaeger - from the album (Fall Off the Earth)
Produced by - Jared Nester
Outro by - Madison Nester
Robin Introduces Joanna
SPEAKER_01I'm Rob. And I'm Robin. Thanks for listening to Marriage and Us. Each week we will talk about real life topics that couples experience in everyday married life. So let's get to today's episode. Why, hello, everybody out there in podcast land. It's Robin with Marriage and Us. And I know you're used to hearing my hubby's voice uh following alongside of mine, but he is out of town. And so I decided to hijack our little podcast corner and invite one of my best buddies, Joanna Parkinson, to join me today. And um, you know, just get some time in and talk about all the things we want to talk about. So uh you guys just buckle up and we're just gonna have fun and just see where all this takes us. And I'm sure it's gonna be great. So thanks for Joanna for coming on.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, thanks for having me.
SPEAKER_01This is so fun. So um, Joanna, so tell me, I'm gonna I'm gonna let you just kind of give a little, you know, a little brief on your life and who you are and all the good things. So go for it. Awesome.
SPEAKER_04Um, I am a mama of four. I used to call them babies, but I guess I can't do that anymore. They're huge. Um, my oldest is 24, 22, 19, and then my baby is um 14. I almost said 13. She'd collaborate me. So um yeah, we live in Nashville. We do all things holistic.
Early Similarities With Our Husbands
SPEAKER_01Um, and I just adore you guys, and I'm grateful to be here. Oh, back at you. And so uh Joanna's husband, Philip, just recorded with Rob on uh on our other podcast that Rob does just for men, and it's called just everyday guys. So I guess we're just gonna be ever uh just everyday gals, everyday gals. Um, kind of sharing our thoughts today. So uh we were just kind of sitting here game planning before we hit the record button. And um, of course, this is a marriage podcast. So I said, okay, it would be fun just to, you know, kind of talk about marriage from a women's perspectives. And we know that there are a lot of ladies out there listening, all different age groups. What I think is so fun about our podcast is not only are there married ladies listening, but there are also single ladies listening. And um, and you know, Rob and I are really, really passionate about talking about things in practical terms when it comes to marriage. Um, sometimes you can just get so buried in the details, uh, but just those practical ways that we work together as a couple. So whether you are newlyweds and you're listening or you've been married 50 years, or maybe you're not even married yet, but you're just wanting to know the things. Yeah. And, you know, um kind of just put some tools in your toolbox. Uh, I always that's always been my prayer whenever we record, is that, you know, you guys can take away something. So uh I thought we thought what we might talk about um from the beginning is uh well let me say this first. So we we've been married a while. How long have you guys been married? Oh gosh, you should just ask Philip.
SPEAKER_04He's the numbers guy for this. Um, 27 years is the question mark, but we're close. That's it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. And see, we're about the same because we've been uh well, no, I take that back. What am I saying? Add 10. Um not the same. No, no, I'm sorry. There was another number popping in my head. Uh, we got married in 1990. So we are at the 36 year marks this August, which is like, what? How did that how did that happen? See, I'm still thinking it's 26. Time goes by too fast for me. Um, so one of the questions that I had told Joanna that I thought would be fun to discuss. And and like I said, we've been married for a while, but if we're gonna go back and kind of reflect on the early days of marriage, um, you know, I thought it would be really fun to talk about the ways that we have found that we're the most like our spouses, and then the ways we have found that we are the most unlike our spouses. Because in marriage, isn't that always what it's about? You know, it's great when when, oh, you you, you know, you think about this the same way I do, or are you know, we're so compatible, but you know, uh, we compliment each other as couples, but we also contrast each other as couples. So uh if you can go back, Joanna, we'll start with you. Um going back to the early days of marriage. So where do you think you and the fill you and Philip were most alike?
SPEAKER_04Oh, I we both really love Jesus. We both um were good at uh we love travel. That was good.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Um, we love groups of people like uh ministering in groups. Uh so we were both involved in the youth group um when we first got married. Um yeah, the similarities at that point were fewer than they are now, I think. Yeah, what about you? Similarities.
Opposites In Personality And Pace
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think that as far as how how Rob and I were alike, we grew up in a similar way. We grew up in musical families. So, you know, music was a big part of what what we spent our lives doing. Um, we had a really kind of uh almost funny, unique way of growing up because our families, uh both of our families traveled and sang. And both of our families, my family and Rob's family had buses. Oh, stop it. You know, we were we were like the Christian partridge family, you know, and so both of us um would jump on a bus from the time we were kids with our families, and then we spent the weekends traveling and singing, ministering in churches. We were, I mean, it was bizarre how much uh of our childhood, the way that we kind of grew up in at least when it came to music and things, it was like uh almost identical. Oh, that's cool. Um, and both of us are extroverts. And as you can tell if you've listened to any of the episodes, we like to talk. Um, so you know, we really we were outgoing, we had that in common, and you had to just make each other crack up laughing and uh, you know, very, very verbal. So, and and I loved that from the beginning because it was like we just had great conversations. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah. So, okay, now so it's for differences though, yeah. You and Philip, where were you where do you think you guys back then were most uh diverse, yeah, opposite of each other?
SPEAKER_04He was less outgoing than me.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_04Um, his social battery was lower. So he could we could like do events and enjoy that, but then like the second he was done with that, he was done. Um, that hasn't changed that much um for him. Um and then he grew up in a very musical environment. His family um like they worshipped without instruments, actually, but um they all sang like everybody could sing. Um and so they were in a super musical family. So, and I was an only child and he has a sibling, only one. But um, then we got married and I was like, why is it always loud? Why is there always noise? There is always noise. I mean, I I and you know, yeah, the selfish me got to lay my life down and get used to the noise. And then I had a bunch of little musical children. I mean, like, what? Like, really? Yeah. And even a drummer. Oh, yeah. Oh, god. Awesome. Thank you. Thanks. I'll receive that. Um, it's okay. He's been down now. Um, and I miss him. Uh, so that was a big deal, a very different. Um, and then he is just really smart. Um, and I am also smart, but it's a different kind of smart. And so um that was that was just challenging because we had very different ways of processing things.
Caution vs Spontaneity And Money
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Um what about you? Differences. I think one of the biggest differences that we noticed, especially after we got married. Because then you, you know, that's when marriage really starts, right? Rob would be very cautious. And I was really spontaneous. Oh, yeah. And that was a challenge. Like growing up in my house, I mean, my dad, you know, just if I said, Oh, that that's kind of scary, I mean, that was like fuel on a fire for him. Oh, really? Why are you scared? Come on, we gotta get we we gotta do it even more now, you know. Um, you know, he was just always, you know, always like that. Like if we were at a theme park, you know, he's like one of those dads, like going, Come on, you're gonna get on this roller coaster and you're gonna love it, you know. And I'm like, scared, you know. So yeah, he was that was just like, you know, summing my dad up, you know, he just always just like wants you to conquer that fear, go after the things you want. And so that kind of uh built a um belief system within me, because you know, our belief systems start from childhood. So it was just kind of like uh a little bit more of a daredevil kind of attitude, I think I had. Like if somebody, oh, don't, you know, that that'd be scary to do that. Oh yeah, you think that, you know, I I it would for me, it would fuel me to like, oh, I'm gonna show you. Where Rob grew up in a home where his mom, who I I mean, I adored his mom, just oh, she was just wonderful. And she passed when she was like in her early 50s. It was a really hard time. Our our daughter was not even two when she passed, and it was just so rough. But my my mother-in-law was just one of those kind of people always telling, you know, Rob, be careful. Yeah, be careful, yeah, be careful, you know, about everything. So when we got married, yeah, that would there was just so much contrast in that where um not only was it just in like physical ways that, you know, let's go out and challenge ourselves to go, you know. I I've told the story before, but in case this is your first episode, you know, I grew up in Tampa, Florida, and I took him canoeing. It was, I mean, we hadn't been married but three or four weeks. And so we go out on the Hillsborough River, it's the big river in Tampa, and and um, you know, we're just paddling along and the river's kind of winding, and you know, we come around a bend and there's alligators up on the side sunning themselves. Um now I'm a Floridian, you know. I mean, I've seen alligators in people's front yards, it's it's not a big deal, you know. But as I'm trying to prep him, you know, and I'm in the front and he's in the back paddling, you know, I'm like, hey, you know, we're gonna we're making this turn up here, and there's just gonna be, you know, a few alligators up on the bank. Don't freak out, you know. And I mean, he's like, what? Are you kidding me? You know, and you know, so not only in practical terms like that, that's a very practical way, you know, he got closer to Jesus that day. I think he was praying out loud as we made the bend, and you know, the alligators didn't move. They stayed, they were nice and warm in the Florida sun. They weren't gonna get in the water. But also just in um trying to come to terms with uh ways we want to spend our money or, you know, different things that there were times where that contrast, um, you know, we had to find a way to partner with each other. And um he he helped me slow down on decisions and then I helped him speed up. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04I feel like that's similar for us in both of those ways that he was in a little bit more, I was in a little bit more of a um empowered childhood. Like I just thought that all things were possible. I didn't, I didn't realize that there were some things I probably shouldn't move forward on. Check. And then he had a lot of slowdown, which was really helpful for me. It's been a good balance too.
The Alligator Canoe Story
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. It's so true. I I think the greatest, one of the greatest gifts marriage gives us is marrying someone and learning from each other. Learning from, you know, I've I've learned so much from Rob over the years, um, and allowing him to speak into my life um without me feeling like I have to defend my opinion on something, right? And we all do that because like I said, it all starts in childhood, our behaviors, our belief systems, um, as well as traumas and um just the stories we go through in life that frame the way we think about things. Um I think that often we've we can um you know put the wall up to defend ourselves, defend our opinion um more than letting our walls down and ask good questions and you know, and so with Rob, the greatest gift he I know he's given me over the years is that when he does lovingly uh challenge me on something, you know, that I some opinion I have or some way I want to do something, um when I've asked the good questions such as so why do you think that or help me understand versus you know rising to my own defense? I mean, wow, what a gift. Yeah, you know, and it's where you really you feel that tension in marriage that's a good thing. It's yeah, it's that that push and pull of relationship that really starts to get us somewhere, don't you think? Yeah, I love that. So do you think with um like when you said that Philip was, you know, the differences that you guys had, how long do you think it took for you to start like you know what I'm saying? Like figuring it out.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um especially like the social, like you said, the social battery piece to know, okay, I may just want to keep on going, going, going, but I may be wearing him out along the way, right?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_04I think that took me a minute. I would say the first like 10 years were really good for us. Because it was just a lot of, you know, rubbing each other the wrong way until the softer spots came out. And I think that probably at about that, like we we had baby, we had babies within five years. But we had five years together almost um before babies. So that was also really good for us.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we did the same thing almost six.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, we were at six. And it was really like we could just do this selfish thing and figure it out without other people coming along and you know, us losing a little bit more identity. Not really, but taking on another aspect of our identity. It's true. Um so I think I think at about 10 years, I started to feel like, oh, okay, this is a rhythm. And then really, when my kids were a little bit older, it felt even better because we were really more on the same page. We had done a lot of parenting together. We'd done a lot of life together, we'd done a lot of travel together. Like, and then probably since my kids have most of my kids have scooched out of the house. Now we're really like, oh no, I I really like this. I really like spending time with, I mean, we have forever, but like now it's obvious because we're doing it a lot more, just us.
Learning From Each Other Over Time
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I I really think that for us, it and it sounds like for you too, it worked to have those years to really get to know each other. And I realize some people get married and then they want to have kids right away. And and so I'm definitely not dissing that at all. But I will say if you're a younger couple and you just got married and you're thinking, you know, maybe we want to wait a little bit to have kids. I just for us that it was just fun. You know, like you said, we could just hit the road, go and do whatever we wanted to do. Um, and we really put a lot of time into getting to know each other before kids entered. And so when we became empty nesters, now it's, you know, we're like four or five years into empty nesting. Um, it it was just like uh we just kind of fell back into this previous rhythm that we loved as much as the rhythm we loved when we had our daughter under our roof. You know, it's so I just I think all those things are important. Um, like I said, no dissing on anybody that's out there that you guys have, you know, gotten married and said, hey, we want to have kids right away. Because I get that. Sometimes you get married. I think even the ages people marry these days are a little bit older than, you know, I got we got married in our mid-20s. Yep. Um, but I would get I totally get it if you're getting married and you're in your early to mid-30s. Yeah. You may be wanting kids right away. And that doesn't mean you can't have those date nights. And but I will say it is so valuable to pour in as much time as you can to learn about each other um as husband and wife. Yeah. Um because when you become mom and dad, it it's just so different, right? It is. Yeah. Yeah. I love that time. It was really sweet. Yeah. Yeah, it's important. And so we were um uh one thing that we were talking about before we went on air, I know we were just discussing, like, you know, why do we get married? You know, like for for us, what was the reason that we wanted to get married? And so we kind of summed it up with two words companionship and connection. Right.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, but the interesting part in us even talking that out was was that what how you started? Is that how what you were thinking when you first got married? Oh, I'm gonna want companionship. Maybe that one we both did say, like we that was a thing, but connection, I'm not sure that that would have been like a thought process.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I agree with that. I don't know if I would have been, yeah, I don't think I I would have even been recognizing maybe what real connection looks like. And because the companionship, yeah, like you know, you feel like I don't want to be alone. I want a buddy. You know, yeah, I want a buddy. Exactly. You know, I I want someone to spend my life with. Um, it was really weird for me when I was really looking for the right person. The question that I always asked myself back then, I don't know if you had like a like a little voice, I had a little like a little voice in my head, right? That would say, would this guy, I know this is gonna sound kind of funny, but I'm just gonna go for it. Would this guy jump in a foxhole with me? And and could we fight battles? And, you know, I'm literally like picturing us back to back, you know, us against the world. And and this guy would have my back, you know, I would ask myself that. And and often, yeah, if I was dating somebody or even going on a few dates, I'm like, no, this guy wouldn't even know how to do that of his life, you know. But no, he just no, no, we wouldn't, you know. And so what are you doing, Robin? You know, I started talking to myself. But yeah, when I met Rob, that was the big, like the check the box moment. I was like, okay, he's not the perfect guy because there is no perfect guy. But this guy, I know, really, but this guy, I can, I can go like I can, I can go through the rest of my life, and I just really feel like yeah, like we can do this thing together. There was just something in him that solidified that for me. And we have this little catchphrase that we've used forever with doing premarital, and it's so simple, but it's like, I'm for you and you're for me. And it doesn't mean that we're always gonna agree on everything. There's no way that ever happens, but I know the bottom line, our foundation is based on that truth. I know Rob is for me, even if he says something to me that rubs me the wrong way or you know, kind of hits me sideways. It's just a moment. Yeah. But this guy's got my back.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And that'll take you all the way.
Why We Married: Companionship And Connection
SPEAKER_04I don't think that I thought that deeply about marriage. Like I just knew that I wanted a buddy, really. And I didn't think like this, I did think, ooh, that guy's not it. Uh-huh. But I wasn't, I wasn't like, I didn't have an aim. Yeah. Which I'm grateful that my kids have a different viewpoint. But like I was an only child. I didn't really have anybody else I was talking to about it. Yeah. And my parents didn't really have the same, I don't know, the same thing that we have going on. For me, I really just wanted the buddy. But when I met Philip, I was like, oh, I could see jumping in a foxhole with him. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, oh, when things get hard, we're gonna be a great team.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. And that always, you know, it grows over time, you know. Uh I'm not here to say anything negative about men, but Rob boy, you know, he he would always tell me just it takes guys a while to figure it out. Like that 17 to about 23, 24, he's like, that is like that's a tough time for guys because we're we're not kids anymore, but we really don't know how to be men yet. And then depending on who is encouraging us in our life as well, as far as other men, that really slows down. Or speeds up the process. So I was like, okay, I I can see that. So there were there were areas, yeah, where if he was sitting here with us today, he'd say, Yeah, I had to kind of mature in some, you know, areas because um he's been real open and honest that things weren't always that great with his dad. And he didn't really have that that solid foundation from a a father, you know, to really nurture that part of his life. Like, you know, nurture him into manhood, push on him in the right ways and all those things. And so yeah, so sometimes it takes a while, but I'm I know I I along with you were were grateful for our husbands and and so now that we're in this 26 and 36 year old pocket of marriage, yeah, you really start reflecting and thinking yeah, about uh how grateful, you know, how great I know I'm just how grateful I am that I have him in my life. Yeah. Um every day is, you know, I try to at least don't, you know, not let a day get away from me that I don't at least take if I just take a minute and just look at him. Yeah, you know, I mean I try to say something like, you know, thank you for this or I love you. But you know, there's sometimes just a moment where I just maybe it's just a glance of a day, like, wow, you know, man, am I thankful?
SPEAKER_04Oh good. Okay, so I I have a question. I don't have it written down. Yeah. Um, if there was one thing that you could say, a takeaway, one thing that changed things for you so that you would get to the point where you are now in your marriage, what would the one thing be?
Foxhole Test For Choosing A Partner
SPEAKER_01Oh wow. I think the one thing for me, like I said, I've I've kind of described my dad. My dad was adventurous, pretty spontaneous, but I would say the one belief system that he built in me that I had to break was that he really taught me to be very, a very independent, I mean, very independent-minded person, right? And I I have one sister, we have no brothers. So, you know, my dad wanted to teach us everything he could think of. So, you know, we mowed the yard, we cleaned the pool, we roofed the house, you know. We roofed the house. Yes. Oh, we would yeah, he's like, girls, guess what we're doing today? You know, go change clothes, you know, and we're in Florida. It's like 105, you know, probably 140 degrees up on the roof of a house in Florida. But, you know, get changed. Guess what we're doing today? We're gonna rip the shingles off the house and we're gonna re-roof it, you know. Oh my gosh. You know, I remember my sister and I was like, we're doing what? I mean, I'm like maybe 15. And then not only did we roof our house, then he was so excited about it. Within two or three months, he's like, Guess what, girls? We're gonna roof our next door neighbor's house because they need help. We went over there and climbed the ladders again, did it, we got to do it twice, you know. But in doing that, I think that it what it created in my mind was this mindset that, like, I don't need a man, I know how to do all this. Man, that was something I really had to overcome. And and it's funny because I kind of see it in culture a lot today. And I'm all about being a strong woman. I mean, I absolutely love it, but I don't want to steal Rob's man card because I'm gonna always not only insert myself, but assert myself, you know, I'm just going to go in there like a bulldozer. Hey, I know, I know how to do this. And so learning how to let him lead. I know it sounds simple, but I had to learn how to let him lead in some areas because I always had an opinion growing up in a house with a dad who really was like all about letting me have my opinion, which I'm grateful for. But man in marriage, that's a wrecking ball for that girl. That's real. Yeah. So that's just, you know, that thing of like, okay, he has this idea. He wants to do this thing. And I may think, I don't know if I want to do that. And really, I I had to lean on the Lord to say, okay, I need to be quiet and let him lead in this. And I'm going to, I'm going to cheer him on and I'm going to trust you, Lord. Yeah. That's where I had to start that. Like I had to just back off because I I had no idea I was even doing that in our marriage, but man, it's okay. I was really good at shutting him down. Me too.
SPEAKER_04Equally guessed. Joanna raised her hands like, me too. Me too. Oh. Okay. Well, I would say the number one thing that has helped me in marriage is confessing the word over Philip. And here's what it did. Before that, had some tapes running in my head about who he is. And they weren't all positive. Um, and that was not helping me. Yeah. And once I started saying the truth over him, like he is a man after God's own heart. He is so loved by the Lord. He is um, he sits among the elders of the land. Like he is wise. He has good friends or wise friends, and therefore he is wise. Like, I once I started speaking the scripture over him, I was like, oh, that guy's really wise. Yeah. And I stopped talking smack to myself or, you know, to him, to anybody else. Um, but once I started doing that, it was so much sweeter. Like I saw him as who he really is. And it's who he had been all along. I was just kind of snarky and selfish and you know, only wanted what I wanted. And whenever he didn't give that to me, yeah. I sound horrible, but this is real life, right? Yeah, it is real. Um, when I didn't get what I wanted, I would get, you know, grumpy and be irritated with him. So once I started speaking over him, what's true? Yeah, it got so much better. Yes. Oh, that is so good. And it didn't change him. I mean, he was already awesome.
Letting Him Lead And Dropping Defenses
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. It's so true though, when we cook when we uh we'll call it calling out the gold in someone, you know, when you're when you're really yeah, when you're using scripture, when you're praying, when you're speaking into, I mean, it's so honorable. It's so beautiful, and it is amazing how that you just start seeing like it come into fruition, right? It's like it's just starts happening. I found when I when I started, you know, uh like a little backstory, like, you know, Rob with his dad, probably one of the uh hard things that his dad did, you know, was just like you don't know how to do anything, right? That was like something his dad was always kind of speaking speaking over someone, you know, that it was a very negative thing. Um, you don't know what you're doing, you don't know what you're doing. You're you did that wrong. So when we got married, until I really understood the childhood he had gone through, when I would even say, you know, I I I don't know. I think that I think it think it needs to be done like this. You know, what he was always hearing is, oh, I'm stupid. I don't know how to, you know, I you know, I I I don't I evidently she doesn't think that I even know how to do anything. Um, and then when we figured that piece out, and I just, you know, like same thing like you were saying, just yes, I thank you, God. I thank you, I thank you for Rob. I thank you that, you know, he just he's full of wisdom and and began to speak those things into his life and and not insert myself as much as I did, but just kind of let go. It was amazing what God was doing. And then it was also amazing people that would come alongside Rob because also I was I found I became very protective of him too. There was a part of me, it was just I had someone lovingly point that out once, like, wow, like you really love your man, but like, you know, you you just you're like a shield, you know. And I was like, oh, you know, until I and it don't want to be a shield. That's probably not a good thing to be. No, I don't, you know, I'm his wife. And yeah, it was amazing. It's and it is amazing in marriage how we can step into positions that really we don't need to, that like that the Lord needs to step into those positions. And, you know, it's kind of like the Jesus take the wheel, you know, kind of moment where we're like always grabbing the steering wheel. I can do that, hang on, Jesus. I got this, yeah, you know. So all that's so valid, so true. Yeah, and so important. And and I'm so thankful that the that the Lord pointed those things out. So we've been talking about the past, right? But there's also work that's always gonna be needed and done, right? Yeah. I mean, marriage is the best work that yeah, it's it's at times it's hard work, but it's the best hard work you'll ever do. I less like I love saying that. Yeah. So where is it you think um, you know, like we're talking, like I said, we're talking back 20, 30 years, but here we are now in 2026. And so where is it that you find that you can kind of dig in and find those little spots that it's like, oh, I need, you know, I don't even know how to put it in words, but you know, where you're looking at life now and saying, okay, here's some areas that I could tweak or work on.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Um, almost every year I at the beginning of the year, like February-ish, because I don't do much in January. I hear you. Um, I start to think about like what I'm so grateful for for the past. And I like have a list of questions that I um answer that time every year. And really often now they sound similar, those answers. You know, what do I think the call is on our life? What, how are we sewing into our family and to other people? Stuff like that. Every year I'm like, how can our marriage get um better? And a lot of that is me just stepping away from the hustle and bustle of my life, the business, the kids, and just sitting down with the Lord. And and I usually have to get outside or go for a walk. Yeah. Um, move my body because that's, you know, if I'm stagnant, I don't, I don't get as much download. I am just looking for like what what are the themes, like things that have strung through all the years or a lot of the years. Um, and those things, the things that are a little bit like need a little bit of tweaking. Um, those are the things that I sit down and ask the Lord for humility because it's probably my deal. I probably started it. Um, I'm the only one who I can change anyway, but um true. It's probably me. And I'm writing out like, how how do I want to show up in in that? And then I'm asking for help because I cannot do it on my own. Like if I'm still doing it and it's been 26 years, my curiosity is whether or not that's gonna adjust.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
Speaking Life Over Your Spouse
SPEAKER_01Oh, I love that. That's so good. Yeah, I like the me too. I like to get outside, you know, and find I I just I love nature. I love gardening, I love all of that. I love hearing the birds sing, the wind blowing, all you know. And that's where I kind of that's where I really can find my happy place, then to start really thinking about things like that. Like, what do I want to work on? Because it it's it's interesting that I think when you start getting up into the double digits of marriage, right? That autopilot way of doing marriage is it's just so easy to kick that in. And you'll just be coasting, coasting, coasting. Or you may think to yourself, well, I know enough about my husband, you know, or we know each other, we finish each other's sentences, right? You're just gonna say oh, I love it. I was kidding. Um, that's why we like being together. We think like, but yeah, I don't I don't want to figure Rob out or or say that I have figured him out. Let me say it like that. I still want to ask questions. I still want to know more. I want to know his story, know what he's gone through and also what he is going through. Um the good and the tough when that comes, you know. And it it it's just it's really interesting when you're young, younger, because we're not old, um, but when you're younger, yeah, like I said, you're just life just seems like da-da-da, you know, you're just kind of going through, going through. And then I know for me personally, my mom passed away back in 2020. And so all of a sudden it was like a mortality check, you know, honestly, for the first time. It was like, oh, because like I said, I kind of grew up feeling like I can do anything, I can't, you know. And then to watch her leave this life and enter heaven, which was horribly beautiful. That's why I say it was just it was, it was horrible and beautiful both at the same time. But yeah, you really start thinking about, wow, you know, like, where am I headed for the rest of my life? You know, it was like it was like a mortality check. I don't know if describe it. I don't know if it's the best way to say it, but yeah, it's like you you start noticing the days more and and you know, so I just think, yeah, to have that, like you said, that time to sit with the Lord, where are we at? Where are we headed? Appreciating. I love that where you said we start with gratitude. Gratitude is everything. Gratitude is the key. I mean, it's the key. You cannot have a great marriage. You cannot even have a semi-decent marriage without gratitude and appreciating each other for what both of you bring to the table as husband and wife. Super important. But yeah, so we're just gonna say we encourage everybody out there to take some time. It's still kind of the beginning of the year, like Rob and I have said in uh one of the other podcasts recently. If if if you heard it, if you didn't, I'll say it again. But you know, we're not like huge uh New Year's resolution type of people. I think that you can really set yourself up for letdown. But at the same time, I will say it's so valuable to take some time, slow down. If you're a woman out there, slow down. And I know, I know you've got your life and your your wife and you know, maybe babies and career and all that going. But yeah, take some time, sit down, find find a place where you can just unplug and ask the Lord to show you things about your marriage. Like Joanna said, it's you know, little tweaks here and there. And I so much of that is about that. It's yeah, how am I doing, you know? And again, we're not asking, we're not we're not asking you to write down everything you wish your husband, husband would stop doing or you know, talk we're talking about us as women. Um, who are we as wives? And yeah, how can we tweak things and even make our marriage better?
SPEAKER_04And just know, like we don't have it all figured out either.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_04We're we're figuring this out as we go.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's okay to to say, yeah, you you you never yeah, you never uh totally figure any of it out. And I do think time is always changing too. You know, how we are as individuals is always changing. And so, but but isn't that the fun of it in a way? I mean, if you had it all figured out, what where would the adventure would the point be?
SPEAKER_04Totally. So yeah, and then if you have a hard time getting quiet and doing these questions on your own, find a good friend.
SPEAKER_01Oh, so good. Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_04And ask them to ask you good questions.
SPEAKER_01Yes, absolutely. I mean, there's times even for Joanna and I, like she's busy. Um, they have their own business, they have things going. And sometimes our best way to communicate, we send each other little audio messages through text, you know, so you can, and I love it personally because sometimes, like, you know, the words, like just in a text, you don't get to hear the emotion behind the words or whatever. So, you know, we might have a little quick like word vomit of just like this is going on, blah, blah, blah, you know, and just touch base with each other. And even, and even we're learning how to do that, you know, more often as friends. But yeah, having someone that you can trust, someone that you know loves you, ladies out there, you know, just a good friend, someone who who just like we said for our husbands, they jump in a foxhole with us. I'm also looking for that in a friend. Someone they don't Joanna and I don't think exactly alike. I'm sure if we talked long enough, we would even have differing opinions on things. But what we know is that we love each other, we value each other, we also compliment and contrast each other, just like a husband and wife does. And and it's a great thing. Yeah. So find you a a good, a good gal. A good gal. Yeah, good gal in the foxhole with her. Yeah, to jump in the foxhole and and yeah, just help help you talk through things because sometimes it's it's hard to figure it out on your own. We've had fun today. I know. We'll have to hijack this uh this little room a little more often. So um thank you guys for listening, and we'll see you again soon, hopefully. Thanks, Joanna. Thanks for coming.
SPEAKER_00All right, see you guys. Bye. You've been listening to Marriage and Us with your hosts, Robin Robin Atkins. Stay up to date by following them on Instagram at Marriage and Us underscore podcast and on Twitter at Marriage and Us. Also, hit the follow button so you never miss an episode from your favorite couple.