Marriage and Us
Are you recently engaged, newlyweds, or married for years and looking to learn even more about the art of marriage? Hosts Rob and Robin Atkins discuss what they've learned with honesty, humor, and gospel mindedness. In 34 years of marriage and 10 years as pre and post marriage coaches they practice what they teach. A podcast designed for couples with old tools or no tools wanting to maximize their life together with simple principles that can transform your marriage.
Marriage and Us
S3E06 Healthy you, Healthy Marriage, Healthy Family
Welcome back to another heartfelt episode of Marriage and Us! In this enlightening installment, hosts Rob and Robin delve into the beautiful symbiosis between personal wellness and the strength of your marriage and family life.
Episode Highlights:
- The Foundation of Self-Care: Rob and Robin explore the concept that a thriving marriage begins with each partner’s commitment to their own well-being. They share personal anecdotes and practical tips on how nurturing oneself can lead to a more loving and supportive relationship. After all, you can't pour from an empty cup!
- The Ripple Effect: Ever seen a stone dropped in water? The ripples spread outward, touching everything around it. This episode draws a parallel between personal health and family dynamics, illustrating how one person’s journey towards wellness can uplift the entire family unit.
- Communication and Connection: Discover how prioritizing mental and physical health fosters deeper communication and emotional connection between partners. Rob and Robin discuss techniques for improving dialogue, emphasizing the importance of vulnerability and active listening.
- Creating a Healthy Family Culture: The hosts dive into practical strategies for cultivating a family environment that prioritizes wellness. From shared activities to open discussions about emotions, learn how to create a nurturing space where everyone can flourish.
- Journey Together: Join Rob and Robin as they remind us that this journey is not a solitary one. They emphasize the power of partnership in health—how supporting each other through challenges can turn obstacles into stepping stones towards a stronger bond.
Takeaway: A healthier you equates to a healthier marriage, which naturally leads to a healthier family. Tune in for inspiration, laughter, and a treasure trove of actionable insights that will ignite your passion for personal growth and familial connection!
Listen now to embark on this transformative journey and disco
Music by - Roger Jaeger - from the album (Fall Off the Earth)
Produced by - Jared Nester
Outro by - Madison Nester
Hi, I'm Rob and I'm Robin. Thanks for listening to Marriage and Us. Each week we will talk about real-life topics that couples experience in everyday married life. So let's get to today's episode.
Speaker 2:Hello everybody, hey out there how you doing, I'm doing well there how you doing. I'm doing well, how are you doing?
Speaker 1:So well, we're just going to just jump right into this episode. We are sitting here trying to record and then I think I possibly could be being attacked by some bug. It was on your head, summer ticks, you know, or it's just, it's just crazy. So now, of course, we're sitting here feeling like we're being we're itching and we're being attacked.
Speaker 2:Right, there was something crawling on your head.
Speaker 1:So there's that, and I went and got the little vacuum because it fell off onto the rug so we have vacuumed, and then we're about to start again, and then I knock over a complete glass of water that pours over Robin's legs.
Speaker 2:And so that was exciting, and the podcast table.
Speaker 1:Yes, and the table. So we have went through some trials and tribulations trying to get to this today's episode.
Speaker 2:So I'm sitting here right now wearing a bicycle helmet. No, you're not. Protecting myself from anything else that might have happened.
Speaker 1:Yes, exactly, but we're glad to be back. Yes. And excited about today's episode. Yeah, yeah, I think we mentioned on the last episode that I've said episode several times here already.
Speaker 2:Yes, that seems to be your buzzword.
Speaker 1:I recognize that that we had just finished up, about a month ago, a four-week class that we taught at our church for couples, and during that class again, we're not the one that came up with this phrase, but it just seemed to be something that we discussed a lot. But basically, in a nutshell, is this you know, a happy you or healthy you equals a healthy marriage, equals a healthy family. Yes.
Speaker 2:But it starts with us individually.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, and we, for as long as we've been doing this not only the podcast, but doing counseling and things of that nature that is something you know. And let me just ask this I mean, I feel this episode is going to feel very organic and we're going to. It might seem like we're chasing some rabbits, but I do feel that we're going to get somewhere. Today, the phrase that we've all heard hey, if you had to marry somebody and they never changed from who they are right now, would you still marry them? Yes, I've heard that before.
Speaker 1:Yes, and you and I have debated not debated that. We have discussed that, not debated, because it sounds like we're at odds about that, but we've discussed that several times and there's all kind of different theories on that. But I think it's um, a little, it's. It's not to the point. I think when we're talking about a healthy you, healthy marriage, healthy family, it's not from the place of fixing, but it is from the place of recognizing that change is continual, and we've talked about that before in marriage. It's unrealistic. From the day I asked you out to the day that I asked you to marry me, to the day that you said I do, to now, 35 years later, there's been lots of change. Oh, absolutely, and it's continual. Yes.
Speaker 1:So the concept of understanding how important it is for me to work on myself and want to work on myself, I think that's where the what's your thoughts on this. I think that's where the rub comes. When you see a couple that really starts like, hit that huge bump, the road where, like you know, hey, there's, there's got to be a shift here. You know we can't keep going the way we're going. You know, and and it's not that it's not blaming somebody but if you're not willing to work on yourself and not willing to make some and recognize that you need to make some changes, it's going to be very difficult to have a healthy marriage, much less a healthy family.
Speaker 2:So what do you mean by like a big bump in the road?
Speaker 1:Well, in other words, like sometimes we hear you know he won't do this or she won't do that, we hear you know he won't do this or she won't do that, or you know we've talked about this countless times and like we've talked about with arguing. In other words, the same topic seems to keep coming up over and over and over again, to the place where frustration sets in from one side of the relationship and it's just like I can't take anymore. I don't know what else I can say for he or she to say. I recognize that this is not a healthy, whatever I'm doing, put it you know, fill in the blank.
Speaker 2:So what I hear you saying is, when a couple kind of gets to a place, to where they're in gridlock, okay, maybe, okay. Is that what? You're? Kind of Sure, I think so. Yeah, yeah, like they, they. There are certain issues that feel like can't, they can't be resolved.
Speaker 1:Right, Right, and we're, and we're not talking. We've joked about this many times, but we're not talking about folding towels. We're not talking. We've joked about this many times, but we're not talking about folding towels. We're just talking about not willing to put forth effort maybe is the word put forth effort into developing themselves, which, in turn, helps them have a healthier marriage.
Speaker 2:Sure, I mean, I think that there are people who are single and want to get married, but maybe they feel like if they get married then things will get better, or magically fixed, magically delicious, you know.
Speaker 1:Well, we hear that with people with kids. Sure, well, we hear that with people with kids. Well, we're going to have a baby. That's going to fix the marriage.
Speaker 2:Yes, we've definitely met couples that fall into that category.
Speaker 1:Because you can begin to pour yourself into a child, more than to the marriage.
Speaker 2:Yes, well, your emotional tank can really be filled by a baby, you know, by kids to such a place that you don't leave capacity for yourselves as a couple and you don't leave capacity for yourself. You know, because when we're talking about our individual journey into wholeness and health, whether it be physical health or mental health, emotional, health. Sure. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I can absolutely see where that can happen. A really fast paced world where, you know, there's not a lot of space sometimes for for ourselves. Or I'll say because I know there was a part of me early on in our marriage where I just felt like I could not relax or rest, just always go, go go, do, do, do you know that kind of thing and, um the way that I was wired, that you know, as long as you're accomplishing tasks, as long as you're completing goals, then you are uh valuable you know, and so when I would think about even trying to take time for myself, I really couldn't even grasp that concept.
Speaker 2:I don't think that I feel like the uh, there was years ago this was several years ago, when we worked at a church and had the opportunity to uh, uh, you know, get into some really good counseling for ourselves, right, and I remember that was one thing that was pointed out to me. It's like you know, you need to learn how to rest more and relax more, because you're, you know, you're just you can't keep up that pace.
Speaker 1:And that was the first time I had ever had someone say anything like that to me, right, or even realize that that was something I needed to do well, let me ask you this, and because we've been listening to a few different things, different teachings and different seminars, and even some a festival we went to recently understanding that you know, from a man's point of view, provide, provide, provide, take care of, take care of, is kind of, you know, the sign that's held above our heads that this is what a man is.
Speaker 1:But I do and when I say this I honestly believe this I my, if I you know, some of you know that I recently launched a podcast for guys called Just Everyday Guys Selfless. Plug there for a movement where men begin to understand the importance again taking care of ourself, of reaching out and asking for help, and then recognizing the value of not only taking care of yourself, but what that means to your marriage and what that means to your family, and let's just call it what it is what that means to your kids means to your family or and let's just call it what it is, what that means to your kids.
Speaker 1:Because if, at the end of the day or the end of your lifetime, all you've done is provide money and stuff, that that's not.
Speaker 1:That that's not what you're going to be remembered by right you know the money is going to come and go, but the memories that you make with your children, that you make with your wife date nights or whatever the case may be those are the things that are last and those are the things that are going to be that. There's a series of commercials I think out in what organization but it's like it's basically saying you don't have to be a perfect parent, you just have to be there. Oh, that's good and so true.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's what. That's what we're talking about, because I these are facts, these are not just stuff that I've read. These are men that I have spoken to and in the circle of guys that I run with, of guys that they talk to, of how many say if I could trade anything, I would trade this amount of money and this amount of success for time and what I lost with my kids. Wow. Wow yeah.
Speaker 2:That's very powerful, but I have hope is what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 1:Yes, and it starts with conversations. It starts with recognizing that you don't have to be on the hamster wheel. Right.
Speaker 1:Again, I mean you've said it, I've said it countless times, even what you were just talking about being single. Be aware of what you're committing to. Again, we've said it countless times this is not a contract, but, from a spiritual sense, this is a covenant that you're making with somebody that I want to spend the rest of my life with you and you need to be willing to say I got stuff I got to work on. We're not talking perfection, right, because nobody would get married if that's the case. But what we are talking about is a willingness again to say I recognize there's some things in my life that I need to work on, and that goes back to and we've said this so many times it's having open and honest conversations about where you are. I mean that's the number one thing. When you said that we encourage and when we're doing premarital, I mean that's another thing. When you said that we encourage and when we're doing premarital with somebody, that's what we encourage couples to really do is talk about stuff.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Before they get married.
Speaker 2:Sure, yes, yeah, we hopefully bring some questions to the table they haven't thought of before, so that they learn more about each other beforehand.
Speaker 1:Right, absolutely, I think that's really great. Yeah, and it goes back to what you've said so many times You've got to ask, you've got to keep asking questions, because questions lead to great conversations. Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:Curiosity is everything. It really conversations. Yes, yes, curiosity is everything.
Speaker 1:It really is Absolutely. And finding that I mean once you know again, today we're talking about healthy you, healthy marriage, healthy family. I mean, what are some of the things that you can think of when it comes to walking that, that process out, when it comes to a healthy you? You know, from a, from a woman's point of view, you know, I shared there, you know, asking for help.
Speaker 1:As a man, knowing that and I share this all the time I was at a meeting this morning and shared you know, I understand that that that my transparency, my vulnerability with you has made our marriage stronger, and you see me stronger, not weaker, because of it. So, from a woman's point of view, what's some advice that you would give women that are listening of how to work on being a healthy you and I know it's a broad stroke when I say that, but what's what's some of your thoughts with that?
Speaker 2:I think one is finding ways to carve out time for yourself as a woman, and I realize there may be some young moms out there are moms with you know, with kids, where it's like how, how is that possible?
Speaker 2:maybe there are some stay-at-home moms where that that really feels impossible because you're, you know, with your littles every day and your littles yeah, your littles and your little ones little ones and um and that seems really difficult, but I think that expressing the desire to have a little bit of time carved out for yourself in a situation like with a young mom, to your spouse, you know, to your, your community, those that are around you to see, you know what that could look like. Or maybe there's someone that could step in and watch, you know, watch the littles, so you can maybe, you know, get 30 minutes to yourself or an hour here or there.
Speaker 1:Let me ask you, would you say and I know, as men, we could do a better job of this would you say that, and again, there's no greater honor, or again, it is a job, it's work. You may not technically get paid for it, but you know, with a stay at home mom, do you think that they recognize, obviously, the amount of time that they're putting in, that they take the time to speak to their husband or whatever, and say, hey, I need.
Speaker 1:I need this break. I'm going to go hang out with my one of my best friends. We're going to get coffee, sure, and. But how many think, really, follow through and ask for those type of moments? Right. Because in their mind they just they don't think they deserve that, or or it seems possibly selfish or A display of weakness.
Speaker 2:I will say, you know, just like you were talking about men being vulnerable and not seen as weak, I think women also wrestle with those kinds of things. Vulnerability for women, you know, could look like asking for help, you know, because you want to, you know, be Wonder Woman. You know, you want to do it all, you want to be able to, uh, accomplish everything. Um, you know what's that crazy commercial? I mean, I'm showing my age, you know.
Speaker 1:I, I can uh the song bring home the bacon in a pan. Yeah, you know, cause I'm a woman, you know I I can uh the song bring home the bacon fry up in a pan.
Speaker 2:yeah you know, because I'm a woman yeah, you know I can do it, I can do it all yeah and uh, you know, and, and I think, when you, which I love bacon.
Speaker 1:Just to say. If you want to fry that up in a pan anytime, just have right at it with some okra. Um, that would be.
Speaker 2:I mean yeah that'd be delicious I got sidetracked, that's okay, but, yeah, I think that they're, you know, like. So, going back to the original question, you know, for women, what does it look like to take care of yourself and, you know, be a healthy you? Yeah, I think. There it's just, I think it's also finding a community of women. Just as much as men need men, I, I'm convinced, women need women, sure, um, and women need to look for for me, you know, I, I like to surround myself with women who are a little further along the path than me, you know, maybe a woman that's a little older or has, um, or accomplished some things.
Speaker 1:Maybe I haven't or on the other way, I know you hang out with a few that are a little younger than you, but they are, um, how's a nice way to describe some of your ladies that you, they're, uh, very adventurous and, yes, bold and out, not not outspoken and outspoken in a negative way, but just like you know I won't name names here or whatever, but you know who we're talking about out there, if you're Robert's friend, but you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:So that's another side, it's surrounding yourself with people that are like-minded, yes, but also, just like in marriage, that bring contrast and compliment, and because we need to be pushed, we need to be challenged.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know. But you need that ability, the person you're hanging with that you can trust you can share those moments. I mean I've got guys I've shared super intimate stuff that obviously I've shared with you but that I know is a safe place.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that aren't going to judge me, no matter what struggles I'm going through or whatever thoughts that I've had or whatever Right.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's so helpful. You know it is, it's so helpful and you know, you and I, we are a couple that we can just really enjoy just hanging out with each other. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2:We've really worked on that the last four or five years, but we have worked on that because we realize that we need diversity within our friendships. And, yes, just like you said, some of the women that I run around with, they are younger than me and they keep me young because they yeah that adventurous side, or, you know, just getting out and just, you know, doing, trying, trying new things. Yeah, you know, I absolutely love that. And I think another thing that for women, you know that, and I'm speaking from experience is that it's that thing of of that, most women are task oriented for the most part of that, most women are task oriented for the most part, you know, I mean there are some that are not, but more often than not, over the years the women we've met a lot, you know so.
Speaker 2:So, like your house, you know, like you can just keep yourself busy for hours, because it never ends, especially when you are a mom with kids still under the roof with you. I mean there's always going to be a load of laundry that needs to be done, there are always going to be dishes in the sink, there's always going to be a room to dust or sweep and there's, you know, and it can just go on and on a bed to make, and you know I could just keep running with it, but if you can just let yourself, slow down and kind of let yourself off the hook. I don't know if you guys are familiar with that kind of phrase, but what I mean by that is like we keep ourselves on the hook by saying I have to once again. Like I said earlier, we have to achieve this certain standard. You know, um, and a lot of times we learn that from our mothers or our grandmothers.
Speaker 2:I mean my gosh, my grandmother, my mom's mom. I mean just never stopped. And especially like when it came to dishes. You guys, just, I mean honestly, you could have done some sort of bacteria test on the dishes after she washed them and there would be nothing there. I've never seen a woman meticulously scrub one fork for 45 seconds. One fork, I mean in between each tine of the fork. You know, I mean just unbelievable. So that's what I'm talking about. You know, we all have grandmothers or mothers or mother-in-laws.
Speaker 2:Maybe they come and we're like, oh, my gosh, you know, the house needs to be spotless and this needs to be this and that and that you know, and if we can just take a breath and realize it is not the end of the world if the dishes sit in the sink overnight, heaven forbid. You know.
Speaker 1:Or we've seen also as well too, just saying this, like you said, asking for help. That you know. I want to challenge most men out there. You know, when you come in, yes, I understand you've had a stressful day. Maybe your boss yelled at you, maybe a deal didn't go through that you expected, maybe I don't know, there's all kinds of scenarios with that. But to understand that when you walk in the door, that your wife has been, has went through just as much, or there's guys that raise kids, you know, whatever the situation may be, but that when you walk in the door, they've they've had a stressful day as well too. Yeah, so how how can you come in and partner with her so that she can enjoy her evening? You know just as much as you want to enjoy yours, and that may be. You know we've seen family members that when the when the dinner's done everybody, they just knock it out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they just jump in.
Speaker 4:I mean, you've got three or four and it's done in you know five minutes.
Speaker 1:Sure, I mean. So there's ways to improve up on that is what we're trying to say.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and even with you know, if you don't have kids, and it's just you know a husband and a wife and you're both working, come in, both are exhausted.
Speaker 1:You know when you can partner together. It's not one person's job to do the dishes. Is what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think that's so true. It's our home, yeah, our home, and we've always believed that.
Speaker 1:Yes, for sure. Yeah, so, so, healthy you when it comes to healthy marriage. Unfortunately, there's all kinds of statistics out there right now that it would appear and I want to preference this that the divorce rate is actually lower right now than it has been in quite a while. But the flip side of that is that there's a generation that is saying we're just going to live together and try it out. Sure, but I was just looking that you know that the percentage of when they cohabitate, like that, that typically still have a child even though they're not married, but the percentage of the parental breakup, is that by the age of nine of the child they've already split. Wow. So you know, just living together is not the answer, or just being married and trying to make it work just for whatever reason. Again, it's going back to how do I work and love on myself well and have a healthy me, and sometimes that requires professional help. You know a mentor or a pastor or whatever the case may be.
Speaker 2:Good community.
Speaker 1:Right, but it's the community. Again, we're not designed I don't think we're designed to do anything. You know, marriage is obviously the two of us, but a healthy marriage involves healthy couples around us as well too. What we just said women need women, men need men. So that ability to have a healthy you, the only way I think you have a healthy you is be surrounded by. Again, we're not talking about perfection, but what we're talking about is the ability to be in a place of community where you can share moments of the good and the bad and all that mess that's in between.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:Because I want to be healthy. I want to be healthy for me.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And, in turn, as I learned to be healthy, a healthy me, we get better. Yeah, so true. I mean think about what you just said a while ago, when we went through that, through the church where we went through that counseling, what it did for our marriage, oh it was incredible.
Speaker 1:It was a game changer because things as difficult as they were for us to walk through, that came to light, all of a sudden started making sense for us why we responded certain ways, why we acted certain ways, what triggered us. I know that word gets used a lot, but it's just, it is what it is. And trauma is real. We know all those things. But what it did for our marriage and how it deepened us, yeah, but we were working on the I the me. I was working on, you know, because we went separate.
Speaker 2:Yes, we didn't go together as a couple.
Speaker 1:We didn't go together, it's true, right, and then we eventually came together and talked about that, but that was life-changing for us. Yes. You know, I mean we had, I think we'd still be married now. I'm not saying we wouldn't be, but the depth of our marriage and the depth of our relationship not only affected us as our marriage but then again, healthy family, what it did for Madison.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:How it changed the course of how we parented, how we spoke in front of her, how we loved her, our ability to learn to be vulnerable in front of our kids. What a thought.
Speaker 2:Right. What's the domino? It's a domino effect, you know, and really, when you are working on yourself and getting into healthier places, like I said, whether it be physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, when you can get all four of those really kicking, it's really something else. It's awesome. But there's no way, if you're working on you, there's just no way that it won't positively affect your marriage. And then, in turn, if you have kids, there's just no way that it won't keep on moving forward and that your kids are affected.
Speaker 1:Because, again, talking about setting that example, understanding that and you say this all the time that there's no story like your story, whatever your story is of your marriage, there's never been another one like it, never will be.
Speaker 2:Right unique, handcrafted, one of a kind.
Speaker 1:One of a kind, one of a kind. So you get to choose what, that and the gift that we give our family when we can own our mess and our kids see that. I mean we say this to young parents all the time If you want to give a gift to your kids, own when you mess up, yeah, when you mess up.
Speaker 1:Yeah On when you say, hey, you know how I spoke to your mom, or how I spoke to your dad, or how you saw me speak to that person, whatever the case may be. Yeah, that's true, and you own that. You change the course of how they're going to respond one day, not only to themselves, but you are helping oh man, you're helping create a healthy them, but you are helping. Oh man, you're helping create a healthy them.
Speaker 1:So as you work on you getting healthy, now your marriage is healthy. Yeah, now your family starts going totally shifting gears. I mean again, think about. I think about this all the time. I'm about to cry. Obviously we had Maddie. She's a girl, but I think about if I'd had a boy, knowing who I am now, what I'd have been able to instill in him there for him to be a healthy man. You know, fortunately, I think we've done a pretty good job of being healthy parents. In front of Maddie. I'm not going to say I'm sorry, but knowing and seeing how she's carried our examples, seeing how she's carried our examples, good and bad, into her marriage and her ability to communicate and her desire to have healthy conversation with Jared is just there's no words.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's so good. Yeah, and I do feel that when you do present to your kids a healthy marriage, you know it's one thing for your kids to say, man, my mom and dad were amazing. But when your kids can say my mom was a great wife to my dad and my dad was a great husband to my mom, wow. Yeah. And then, in turn, when they're looking for who they're going to marry, it's going to be from a healthy place, not a perfect place.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:But a healthy place, and isn't that what any of us, as good parents, would want, you know, and? And we have an amazing son-in-law- I mean just he's just awesome.
Speaker 2:Um, and I'm so thankful, uh, for you know, for that, for for Maddie and for their kids one day, you know, to see that continue for their kids one day, you know, to see that continue. And to me that's really what it's all about. You know, for life it's like I said, it's a domino effect. You know, as I partner with God, as I, you know, let down my own defenses, look at myself honestly, invite people into my life that are going to be there for me, that are going to not always agree with me, that will challenge me, that will love me and that will not only encourage me but, yeah, and that challenging push me to be better.
Speaker 2:Um and then in turn you know, I know we keep saying that, this episode, but this is what it's about Then our marriages get better, Our families get better. It's, it's all it's.
Speaker 2:It's like our legacy, it's our generational blessing that we see play out's so good and and I, you know, because we are believers, I absolutely you know, believe that he who created me, you know he is going to finish his good work in me. Yeah, and that's part of the good work. It's not that he's going to sprinkle stardust over me and magically make me something else. It's that he pricks my heart. He speaks to me and he calls me up. He calls me higher. He calls me to be, better because he loves me.
Speaker 1:And be willing to listen to those prompts of our hearts and our minds and of our emotions. I mean, that's really that's. I think that's when you approach. I was thinking about how you were saying that. I think when you approach it from that angle, rather than fixing, you know where your spouse feels encouraged, right, yeah, yeah, for sure. So that again, it's not like change this or else, but it's the way, just how that comes across. I'm just trying to process what I'm trying to say with that, but I think that's crucial again as I'm working on myself. My marriage gets better, my family gets better and if there's a genuineness behind my care and love for you of saying, hey, I believe in us and how do we make us better? What can I do to help you be better so we're better?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes, Well, yeah. And I think it all goes back to the beginning of this episode, where you know you said at the beginning, you know that statement people make. You know, if the person you're going to marry didn't change anything at all about themselves, would you still marry them? I don't know if that's even realistic to a degree. I mean, like you said, change is always happening, Right? Maybe if we're talking about, like our non-negotiables- like you know, I think we all have our list.
Speaker 2:You know, when we're single of like our non-negotiables, these things, there's just no way I'm backing off of that, you know. So, yeah, um, yeah, you know. But but yeah, change is always happening and change is progress right, you know, can really be.
Speaker 1:progress is not a scary word, because the whole point is we should put forth the effort to continually be changing. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Again, we're not talking about maybe a sense of humor, that's not what we're talking about Some of our characteristics. But again, if 35 years later, later, I'm not picking up the towels, that probably an issue, I guess, or maybe not, maybe it would just be, I don't, I don't know. Again, I know we said this a while ago that we don't want to feel like we're chasing rabbits today, whatever. But this topic is just, you know I. I know I want to change, like we're chasing rabbits today, whatever, but this topic is just, you know, I know I want to change. And when I got to that place of all those areas my emotions, my spirit, all those things when I wanted to change, that's when we went to another level in our relationship.
Speaker 2:Yes and vice versa. Yeah, yeah. I think, when we said hey, you know.
Speaker 1:And that only comes by open communication, not trying to fix. Right.
Speaker 1:Not trying to point out you're wrong. I think that's what I'm trying to say. Is that that's how you get to that place in a marriage. I mean, sometimes you're in the marriage, you know, and you're not technically healthy. When I say healthy, you understand what I'm saying. I'm not talking about just physical or just mental, but whatever the case may be. But I think it's never too late, I really believe that To see a change in yourself that your spouse starts noticing and your kids start noticing it, if you have kids.
Speaker 2:Agreed, yeah, I think so too.
Speaker 1:So noticing it If you have kids. Agreed, yeah, I think so too.
Speaker 2:So healthy you, healthy you.
Speaker 1:Healthy marriage, yes, healthy marriage, and healthy family, yeah, yeah. Good, I like it. Thanks for talking. You're welcome.
Speaker 1:It was good. I know I see you all the time, but thanks for sitting across from the mic for me today. Hey, thank you guys for listening. This kind of stirs you a little bit. Pass this on and tell your spouse to listen to it with you or a friend, whatever the case may be. But we always appreciate you listening and we will. I know us well enough. When we get through recording here, we're going to sit here and talk more about this topic, so hope you do the same thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, sit down and do a little self-evaluation and you know, kind of thinking through ways that you can take better care of yourself.
Speaker 1:Which, in turn, takes better care of your marriage and makes you have a healthy family. Yeah, yeah, thanks.
Speaker 2:All right guys Till the next time.
Speaker 4:You've been listening to Marriage and Us, with your hosts, Rob and Robin Atkins. Stay up to date by following them on Instagram at marriageandus underscore podcast and on Twitter at marriageandus. Also hit the follow button so you never miss an episode from your favorite couple.