Marriage and Us
Are you recently engaged, newlyweds, or married for years and looking to learn even more about the art of marriage? Hosts Rob and Robin Atkins discuss what they've learned with honesty, humor, and gospel mindedness. In 34 years of marriage and 10 years as pre and post marriage coaches they practice what they teach. A podcast designed for couples with old tools or no tools wanting to maximize their life together with simple principles that can transform your marriage.
Marriage and Us
S3E03 - Building Blocks: Love, Trust, and Dependability in Marriage
Join Rob and Robin in this insightful episode as they dive into the essential components of a strong marriage: love, trust, and dependability. Discover how these foundational elements work together to create a thriving relationship, with practical tips for nurturing each aspect. Whether you're newlyweds or have been married for years, this conversation offers valuable insights to strengthen your bond and foster a deeper connection. Tune in for an enlightening discussion that reaffirms the power of love and trust in marriage!
Music by - Roger Jaeger - from the album (Fall Off the Earth)
Produced by - Jared Nester
Outro by - Madison Nester
Hi, I'm Rob and I'm Robin. Thanks for listening to Marriage and Us. Each week we will talk about real-life topics that couples experience in everyday married life. So let's get to today's episode. Hello everybody, welcome back in, hey you guys. How are you doing today?
Speaker 2:I'm doing good. How are you doing?
Speaker 1:It's good. At least here the sun is shining. Yeah, it's wonderful there's no rain. I know, yay, there's no snow and able to sit outside and soak up some vitamin D, Watch the sun for a little bit, About to go down here where we're at at least when we're recording this.
Speaker 2:So yeah, it's been a nice day.
Speaker 1:It has been as we get in. Today, hopefully, as we've moved into season three here, we're going to touch a little bit on it, not a lot, but we were. We discussed on the last episode about how to in a relationship, how to move into that deeper place of love. Yes, and what that looks like, and obviously that develops over time. I mean, you know, if you've been married 30 or 40 years, that's totally different than somebody who's been married 3 or 10 years. There's just no way around that because of the time, right. But understanding how to get there, how to stay there, I think that would you agree.
Speaker 1:I think that's what most couples I think, when they talk to us or we do counseling, or just a random couple that has gotten to know us a little bit, I ask you know, how did you get to this place and what's that process look like? Right, would you think, yeah, yeah. So today we're going to touch on three words that we've really been thinking about, of the how do you get there, how do you stay there? Because that's again, we've joked about it If you didn't want to get married, go through these things and put in this wonderful work of this journey of marriage, stay single.
Speaker 2:Right, right, but these are three words that we think are so pivotal in married life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, most of you can probably guess the first one, which is love. I love you.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love you. That's and that sounds. The more we've we're we're looking at this, understanding what deeper love looks like it's. I think that can. If we're not careful, it can become a shallow word in our relationships.
Speaker 2:True, true. Well, it can just become a phrase.
Speaker 3:Yes, right, yeah, you can't really say that you took the words out of my mouth.
Speaker 2:It just becomes you know, I love you. You know, I love you. See you later, yeah.
Speaker 1:And we say that a lot, I think due to the fact of who we are and the people that we're around. But it hit me right before we went on air. I can say I love you to somebody at church or you know, whatever a friend but it is not as deep as what I have for you. Right, when I say I love you, there's a whole lot of stuff good, bad and everything in between that goes into that phrase. I mean there's a depth to that that is totally different than any other relationship that I have.
Speaker 2:It's true.
Speaker 1:And that's the way it should be.
Speaker 2:Yes, I can think of something funny that happened at work. And for everybody that's out here listening to us, maybe you've done the same thing. You know, like I said, when it becomes just part of your vocabulary and just like a phrase, has anyone ever been on a call at work? Right, I have to answer the phone sometimes and I can remember one day, for some reason, hanging up with this woman who had called an employee and I don't know why, but I said, okay, well, thank you, love you, bye, hung up the phone and was just mortified, like I just told that woman, I love her. What in this world, you know, because it was just like you know.
Speaker 1:Did you know her that well? No.
Speaker 2:Oh, I don't, didn't know her at all. No, you know, but it's like you know. Have you ever called, like you know, your mom or your kids? You know, I call Maddie, you know, of course, and I get her to hang up. All right, well, love you, I'll talk to you later. Bye, you know, it was just like. Yeah, it just it was like in the flow and for some reason I said it, but I bet there are some of you out there who've done the same thing.
Speaker 1:So my positive spin on that is there's two things. One maybe that lady just needed to hear somebody say I love you.
Speaker 1:Maybe, and then two goes back to what you just said, what we were almost at the same time a phrase. It becomes a phrase like hello, yes, when you say it, so much Sure, but the bottom line is again. So today we're looking at, we're going to go ahead and tell you what we're going to talk about. We're going to talk about the word love, we're going to talk about the word trust and the word to depend on.
Speaker 2:Our dependability.
Speaker 1:Dependability that you have for your spouse and, as I was thinking about that, it's just proving the point when you each relationship has different levels to it In a marriage, that's what we're talking about learning how to take that relationship to a deeper level. When I say I love you, there's a lot that goes with that, there's trust that's built in that and there's over time and over the years that we've been married, there's I know I can depend on you. Sure, yeah. So what's some of the things? I've got some definitions. I've got all kinds of different things since you think you want to jump in with, or what's your thoughts?
Speaker 2:Well, I know we said love is the first word, right Love, then trust, then dependability. I think we talk a lot about love on our podcast episodes and we did discuss already. But for some of you who maybe didn't listen to the previous episode, what's wrong with you?
Speaker 1:Go back and listen to it. No, I'm joking, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:We were talking about deeper love. So there's the love that you have when you first meet as a couple. There's a love that leads all the way up to the wedding day.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And that love is so special and so wonderful in its own way. Just amazing. You know you found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, the excited way that you feel when you're around each other and just how much enjoyment you take in spending time together and and I love all of that about that first initial love.
Speaker 2:And then you know we talk about, you know that you get to your wedding day and you marry this person and then you walk into married life and then over weeks, months and those first few years you really start to learn so much more about each other. You know because you, you marry the idea of that person, of what you know, of this individual that you meet and then marry.
Speaker 2:But then, as time goes on, you realize how complex your spouse is and at times even how complicated and how how beautifully alike and different that you are, uh, when it comes to each other, and how you compliment each other and how you contrast each other and just all these amazing things, and in all of that, that's what can take you from that initial first love to a second love, if we can call it that that is even a deeper love. Because, now you're beginning to love this person as a whole as everything that they are. That's a lot, it's a lot, yeah it really is, because you're that's a lot.
Speaker 2:It's a lot. Yeah, it really is, because I know I'm a lot you know, and it's wonderful, you know, because, yeah, you start to really begin to love the whole person. You see the quirks, right, we see each other.
Speaker 2:Yes, oh yeah, absolutely, but but we, that's a good word we see the quirks as part of the whole of what makes this person right. You can get hung up on a quirk, right, you can really get hung there right. But if you think, oh well, you know that that little quirk is not all of who this person is. There's so much more I love so much more. You know that little quirk is not all of who this person is there's so much more. I love so much more you know, and so that's that second love that we're talking about.
Speaker 1:I've got one great definition which goes this just happened to be something I found, but we used this word a lot on the last episode about complex. It says love is often defined as a deep, complex emotion characterized by intimacy, commitment and the word trust, care, affection and mutual respect, where partners I like this word actively choose to support and understand each other, often including elements of passion and attraction, while accepting each other's flaws and working together through challenges.
Speaker 2:Wow, that's great.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Really good.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So when you said that word last week it was right at the end of the episode and it just really hit me and you just touched on it again complex, and then you just said learning to love the whole person. Sorry, my brain is that's kind of captured my thoughts right now. That's just a big you know. I wrote this down. I think it's important for couples. If you're listening today, have you? You mentioned the wedding day and we make our vows and we say these things. Do we really? Let me rephrase this I don't know if we really understand the depth of what we're saying when we say the vows, because when we say the word I love you, if it's just a phrase, versus understanding the depths and the requirements that it's going to take to fulfill that, Right.
Speaker 1:I think it would be healthy for couples to realize what they're stepping into.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because that's the difference. We've heard this phrase for quite a while, but that's the difference between a contract with somebody and you're making in a spiritual sense, which is what marriage is a covenant with someone, and that's a big difference. Just saying you know, because I love you, but that's not the same thing. When I say I love pizza, I don't trust the pizza, I trust you, and so we have to understand that those phrases can mean more in different situations. I guess is what?
Speaker 2:I'm trying to say mean more can mean more in different situations. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. When you think about the vows I mean I know a lot of times now these days people create their own vows and I think that's really sure neat too. I love that, um. But you know, when you think about the classic vows that you would hear at weddings, you know in sickness and health, you know in good times and in bad times, um. So basically, in the highs, the highest of highs, and in the lowest of lows, I am saying I'm for you and you're for me.
Speaker 2:And we are in this together. We are standing here saying we choose each other to spend the rest of our lives together, and that is so like you said. You know and and, and that is so like you said. It is so big, it is so much more than what, uh, you know, in culture today, I think there's so much emphasis on the wedding day. Right, I can scroll through instagram, facebook, pinterest, anything like that, and put in you know weddings, and it is just unreal how much is devoted to the wedding day, even the you know the preliminary things, the bachelor party, the you know bridesmaids doing their bachelorette thing or whatever.
Speaker 2:There's just all this emphasis on it. But then how much emphasis is on the day after the wedding day, I mean the honeymoon's there?
Speaker 1:and that's great, or leading up to it, which that's a big part of what we do is premarital.
Speaker 2:Yeah, premarital, yes, absolutely Love it, love it, love it. What does?
Speaker 1:it look like when I'm I'm man, I think we've just opened up a wonderful can of worms. But what are we saying when we're saying I want to again? You just said that I want to spend the rest of my life with people, and I think that's where not with people.
Speaker 2:What? Sorry, well, maybe with some people I want to spend the rest of my life with all 10 of you. Sorry, that's okay.
Speaker 1:You knew what he meant out there folks.
Speaker 2:You knew I was going to jump in, if you knew, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm glad you trust me there's a point that I'll come back to that in a minute. But when you say I want to spend the rest of my life with this person, which may have people involved with it. I'm not sure at this point, but when you say that, man, it's just really hitting me. As we're talking about this. There should be a healthy weight on that. What do?
Speaker 2:you mean by weight?
Speaker 1:In other words, what you just said, there's so much weightiness in a positive way of saying again I want to spend the rest of my life with this person. If that one day, how much? And again, we're not opposed to big weddings or bachelor parties.
Speaker 2:That's not what we're saying. I'm not saying anything. What we're?
Speaker 1:saying is where you start out. What do you? How do you prepare yourself for wedding the wet in the wedding day? And then, how do you prepare yourself for wedding the wet in the wedding day, and then, how do you prepare yourself? Like you said, once you're, once you say those I do, are you prepared to be married?
Speaker 2:Right, that's where my focus is. The wedding day is awesome. And you can find a million things on how to have the most incredible wedding you could ever imagine, but what about after the wedding? Yeah, after the honeymoon. Now we're married.
Speaker 1:And we're living, doing life day in, day out together.
Speaker 2:Yes, which is really why these three words love, love gets us there right. Love's the beginning, it's the spark. But then what about trust? And what about dependability?
Speaker 1:Do you have something or a definition that you've got for trust? What does that look like? I've got a few things here, but what have you got?
Speaker 2:One thing is that I found that I thought was great. It says when partners trust each other so we're talking about the trusting piece the relationship is not threatened during times of conflict. Right, because this is, this is all part of it. Right, we're, we're trusting each other and then we're married now and there's going to be times of conflict. But when trust is there, when partners truly trust each other, the relationship is not threatened when there's times of conflict.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so even if something gets heated between the two of you, it still means feelings get to be shared instead of just two people acting out in anger, when trust is there and trust is developed right. Trust is not like a package deal. I love you, I trust you. I think it is to a degree.
Speaker 2:I mean of course, who you fall in love with, you should be able to feel a sense of like, wow, I trust this person, but then trust is so complex we're going to talk about the word complex. You will find, walking into married life, that there are so many different degrees, levels and situations. Where trust should be there will be developed to be there.
Speaker 1:But it'll also be tested.
Speaker 3:Ooh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, that's what we're really talking about, because, again, we're talking about, obviously, love, trust and being dependability on somebody. So being dependable, yeah, being dependable, so trust and we talk about this word a lot emotional connection. So trust also speaks to emotional connection. And when trust is strong, which is what we're saying it says to your partner that they care, yes, which deepens love, which takes it from just the goosebumps, takes it from just the wedding day. Again, we're painting this picture now of real life, day in, day out. Trust is that emotional connection that is built from the love that says I care for you.
Speaker 2:Yes, and trust means I get to be my true self.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Okay, and I get to rely or depend on my partner for support.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:So here's where the trust piece grows. Just so we're really clear on this. Trust is extremely important. When you are looking for your spouse, okay, trust is huge. But within the realm, within the covenant of married life, I think to get to be like for me, to get to be my true self, I can think of our own marriage. Okay, I remember thinking can I be my true self? Because there were things in myself that I wasn't even comfortable with within my own self. You know, on the inside, the inside right To to be vulnerable with or to say you know same here you know, and I think that is real you know,
Speaker 2:in relationships. I mean, we're we're falling in love and we see the very best of each other and of course we present the best of each other. I mean, you know, Put some paint on that thing. You know, make it look. You know you want to present yourself in a way, and that's kind of sad to say. I mean, really, it's even hard for me to speak that out, but no matter how much you might think I'm going to truly be myself, I still think married life changes things.
Speaker 2:Yes, and there's still areas of your true self that won't be revealed.
Speaker 1:experienced, Okay, let's stay on that point. But here's my thought. With that, I think part of the problem is we assume that love and trust go hand in hand and in marriage it is something that is developed In any relationship. But we're talking about marriage, but they don't.
Speaker 2:There's initial love and trust, and then there's this deeper love and trust.
Speaker 1:Yes, I like that, trust somebody Because, again, we say that word a lot and I genuinely, and I know you well enough, you mean it. When you say I love you, but I can love you, I don't see I'm not with that person like I am with you. And even in a general relationship and a friendship, there can be deeper friendships that you have than others because you have developed trust, because you know that you trust their character, you trust the person they are, the strength that they carry.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That they're there with you. You know that you can rely on them, which will lead us here in just a second to be able to depend on them. So love in a marriage is more than just feelings, yes, but as trust is developed, it develops deeper emotional connection in that relationship.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Yes, I've got this written down too. This is from a book called the Speed of Trust. It's mainly a book dealing with leadership, but this is such a great example of what we're talking about that when you have trust, it says, in a high-trust relationship you can say the wrong thing and people or your partner in this situation will still get your meaning. But in a low trust relationship, you can be very measured, even precise, and you'll still be misinterpreted.
Speaker 2:Wow, yeah, that's really good so that's where you, you know that's.
Speaker 1:And we've talked about gratitude, we talked about forgiveness and all those things that takes to have a healthy marriage. In that statement that you and I say all the time that's our baseline I'm for you and you're for me, which that phrase comes out of the word trust. I know you're for me. You're never going to get it all right in a relationship and in marriage. How?
Speaker 1:you say it, how you present it, you're going to say the wrong things. But when you have love that has developed into trust, even when you miss it, you know oh, wait a minute how did you say that?
Speaker 2:I'm not quite sure.
Speaker 1:But I know you're for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's really good. Yeah, that's so good. Yeah, that's so good.
Speaker 1:Because you've got to realize what we're talking about is not only that trust is built, but as trust. If you feel you've lost trust in somebody, we're not going to spend a lot of time on that, and trust has to be rebuilt.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That begins with consistency, which is what I was just talking about. That begins with consistency, which is what I was just talking about. It's when you've got a track record in your relationship that says, man, I know she's for me and this is a blip in the road. Or maybe I didn't explain my expectations or what I was needing from you in that moment. Again, coming back and making sure to look at myself first before I start having accusations and things of that nature, but which leads us to learning how to depend on our spouse.
Speaker 1:What have you got on that?
Speaker 2:So we're going to talk about healthy dependence. I think that it begins with an open communication, which is what we're talking about right now. I think it's also important to have mutual respect, shared goals.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And then supportive behavior that balances the give and take of the relationship.
Speaker 1:What does that mean? What's that look like?
Speaker 2:So to me, when I think about dependability, there are seasons in married life, there are highs and lows, and there are experiences based on two people happening under one roof, right, and those experiences can be very different because in married life, just like us, for all the years we've been married, we have worked jobs right.
Speaker 2:Had careers going and we have all kinds of experiences happening to us daily individually, and you know you come home after a hard day of work or seasons where work life is super hectic for one and maybe a little more chill for the other. Right, you know like I'm just talking about this in the most practical way. Sure talking about this in the most practical way and we've been in those seasons before where like certain months would be, you know in your career, like those are.
Speaker 2:those are months that it's a little slower and there's a lot more room for flexibility, it's a good word. And then for me, at the same time, I mean, it is just like white knuckle. You go in the door and you gird your loins and say, dear God, help me make it through this day, right. And so, in those very practical ways, there's this supportive behavior that I know I've experienced from you, where you see me stressed out, you know, and just the simplest phrase of just saying, hey, what do you need from me right now? Is there anything that I could do, for you have meant the world to me, man, we're not talking about fixing, let me just inject that.
Speaker 1:They're not asking for your opinion, your advice. If they want that, let them tell you. Don't assume that you've got the answer. I just want to throw that because, as a disclaimer, there are men out there that we I think that's the number one thing that causes arguments they just assume that you want me to fix that.
Speaker 2:Yes, there are many female listeners right now screaming yes, it's so true, I don't want to chase a rabbit with this, but I do want to say no, go ahead and chase, okay.
Speaker 1:But, what I do want to say is you know, on both sides, that's where trust is developed, that's where you learn to depend on and, in this situation, learn to develop the skill of saying what you need and what you don't need.
Speaker 1:The skill of saying what you need and what you don't need, and in that I mean where Robin has it was a great gift that she gave me and vice versa, where she would just tell me what was going on. I didn't have to fix it. But if she wanted my opinion or she had wanted my advice, she would say a phrase which we developed years ago, say, hey, what do you think about this? Or I need your input on this. And that changed my response and it freed me up just to connect and sync up with her emotionally, without feeling like I'm having to listen to every word, knowing that I've got to have an answer for it.
Speaker 2:Right, Right. So just a simple phrase of you saying hey, do you need something from me right now? I mean, it could be that I just need for you to listen and I'm going to dump the truck, which is a little phrase that we use. In other words, you know, I'm just, I just need to just verbalize the craziness of this day and you don't have to fix anything. But if I can just dump this out of my brain, yeah, out of my mind.
Speaker 2:I am just going to be so much more relaxed so that that could be one way for me that I would uh, decompress from the day. Um, but then it could be practical things like yes, you know what, um, I was going to fix. To fix like we love sweet potatoes. We have a mild obsession with sweet potatoes. If you spend any time with us, I don't know what it's about.
Speaker 1:Like we love sweet potato fries, sweet potato tots sweet potato anything.
Speaker 2:We are all about it. So I might say to you like, hey, I was going to make like homemade sweet potato fries tonight. Could you go ahead and wash those sweet potatoes for me and chop them up so we can get them ready for the air fryer? I'm going to go change clothes or I just need 20 minutes to just lay down in silence and just rest for a moment. So I have the energy that you know I can spend time with you. It could mean so many things, but you get the idea. Just that simple question that you've asked me time and time again.
Speaker 1:And that develops your ability to depend on you.
Speaker 2:Yes, you're showing me. Hey, I'm dependable.
Speaker 1:I want to be a good partner to you, and so All of these words love, trust and being able are action words, Because marriage involves action. Yes, I think that's the thing you know. Again, we talked about trust requires consistency. Now I want to be clear. We're not talking about when we're saying depending on somebody. We're not talking about expecting perfection. Right, that's not what we're talking about, Right?
Speaker 2:Not unhealthy, Not healthy what we're talking about Right, not unhealthy.
Speaker 1:Not or like codependency.
Speaker 2:Yeah, codependency.
Speaker 1:Or to codependency. We're not. Don't hear us saying this as well, too. If you're out there, codependency is where you just like. Well, that's just the way they are, or you just let someone enable their behavior.
Speaker 2:That's not what we're talking about. Well, usually a codependent person. It's kind of like you know, I want to be okay, and for me to be okay, I need to make everybody around me be okay, Because if everybody around me is okay, then I'm going to be okay and then we're all okay together.
Speaker 1:And that's just completely unrealistic. But that's not love or trust.
Speaker 2:Right, and there's so many other layers to codependency, we won't even jump off onto that train because that's a whole nother conversation. But what I'm saying is you know, a good partnership and to me a good partnership means that neither spouse is fully accommodating each other. Both are able to ask for help when they need it, and you know, we're in this thing together right, which I think most people don't understand.
Speaker 1:You know again all these words when they interlock with each other that's what we're saying helps you develop that deeper love, because when I can depend upon you, it also says I can trust you, also says that I love you, and when you put those together it says, like what you said earlier, we're not going to give up.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:When there's moments in our life, when there's situations in our relationships that are tough, it says we're in this thing together. Yes, I mean, I'm not trying to be silly with this, whatever. But if you kept asking me, we'll just stay with the sweet potatoes, which is a great topic for us. But if you kept asking me to do that, and every time I said I forgot. Now there's an issue, right, because it's just-.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would question gosh, does he care?
Speaker 1:I mean, think about all the things that begin to spin in your head.
Speaker 2:You can assume so many things, oh wow, I mean, think about all the things that begin to spin in your head. So many things, oh wow, you know, I mean we're using the word being dependable, but yes, and that's a chore.
Speaker 2:We realize that, and you guys know when you're under distress, when you're in seasons of stressfulness, and this could be, you know, pertaining to the career you're in, or your new parents, or you've moved to a new city, taken on a new job. Gosh, there's just so many different examples that we could give. But you know, in those seasons of change and believe you, me, I mean married life is, it's a change.
Speaker 1:Continual.
Speaker 2:It's, and it continually changes. Yes, yes, If you're hearing this for the first time we're 60 years old and we're in a whole new season of change yet again, absolutely and and change. A lot of people don't like change.
Speaker 1:I don't understand that. I get it. I don't.
Speaker 2:I mean I get sometimes familiarity is very that predictability feels safe.
Speaker 1:But it's unrealistic. I mean the day that I asked you to go out for the first time, the day that you said I do, and today we're all. We're different people.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean the moment you said I do you become husband? You're different, it's just different. There's no way around it, right I?
Speaker 2:think there was. Well, who was it? We heard one time say I've been married to five different men in my life, but they're all the same guy, because it's like there's just constant change. So the yeah, the Rob that I married in in his twenties Ooh, that guy. And that guy was awesome.
Speaker 1:He was, but he's got it.
Speaker 3:He was just learning he was.
Speaker 1:He was great, I fell in love with him, I'll let him off the hook, yeah.
Speaker 2:Don't be making fun of that 20-something-year-old.
Speaker 1:Rob. Okay, all right Way to go, buddy. Good job, you know, and then the're fixed to be 61. Sorry, I was supposed to say that out loud In March.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's true, it's coming.
Speaker 3:It's a coming folks yeah.
Speaker 2:But you know, it's like that you look awesome. Thank you. I appreciate that. But you know, it's just so many changes and, yeah, when you embrace that and learn and experience in each other, you know through the decades, literally talking about deeper love is just awesome right.
Speaker 1:I want to close with this. I just kept sitting here thinking about that you learn to love the whole person. Yep, sitting here thinking about that, you learn to love the whole person. Now, if you're listening to this, again, we're not talking about excusing behaviors or that's not what we're talking about or abuse, that's not what we're talking about. But it's when, if you desire to have a relationship that grows and develops, these words have to become part of who you are, have to become part of who you are. It's that again, it's that binding together that creates a wonderful, lasting, long relationship. And if you're missing, just to encourage you, I don't care how long you've been married or if it's short time or a long time you can still get back on track with these things but, like what you said, to pretend that maybe you know you've lost that love and feeling.
Speaker 1:Yeah, whatever you know and you may feel that you may be at that place in your life, right now, in your relationship, but you can get back to it, but you're not going to get back to it or develop it without discussing it.
Speaker 2:True.
Speaker 1:Or you're just hoping that it will get better, right? No, hoping that it's going to get better is not going to happen. You've got to put forth some effort, like what you said about the wedding.
Speaker 1:You know we obviously believe in counseling you know and getting coaching or whatever you need, but find somebody that can help you. Yeah, find somebody you can talk to about these things, that can help you maybe navigate some of these things that you've not been able to get to on your own, but that's the only way you're going to get there. That's the only way these things are not only developed but redirected back and get yourself back on course.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:This is good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, really good.
Speaker 1:So love, trust and dependability Got to have those things. Yeah, we're gonna probably sit here and stare each other for a few minutes after we go up the air, just because we're in deep thought right now. So but, all joking aside, I hope you do the same.
Speaker 1:You know we love it when we hear couples that tell us they listen to the podcast together yeah, it's good, so we hope we've maybe jolted you a little bit for you to have some discussions today about what true, deep, loving relationships look like. Yeah, all right, and thanks, as always, for listening. Yeah, thanks, hey, tell a friend Again we believe in what we do, but we could use some more listeners. Believe in what we do, but we could use some more listeners. So if you enjoyed this episode, forward it to a friend and say, hey, this podcast might be something you enjoy.
Speaker 1:So, we'd appreciate it. Yeah, all right guys, we'll see you soon. Talk to you soon.
Speaker 3:Bye. You've been listening to Marriage and Us, with your hosts, Rob and Robin Adkins. Stay up to date by following them on Instagram at marriageandus underscore podcast and on Twitter at marriageandus. Also hit the follow button so you never miss an episode from your favorite couple.